Thursday, September 27, 2007

This Libretto Is Awesome

Just in case you don't check my blog's comment section as obssesively as I do, the last thread contained this gem:

The name of this blog
is Lizzy Knows All
And if you forget that
You're a Neanderthal
Don't post a word
Unless you sign your name
'Cause that only proves
You ain't got no game

If you diss her moves
I have to mention
Anybody can hide
Behind an engine
Or add a space
To his last name
Obfuscating
His rating fame

The Royal Game
That's the thing
Think about girls
And she'll drop your king
I have to wonder
About Chris Williams
Maybe he don't dig
Her skinny limbs

Anonymous posting
Makes you a coward
Come back crawling
Like Paul or Howard
Drive-by insults
Are worse by half
Gonna be a jerk
At least make her laugh

At the office
they call her Miss
Luckily she finds this
humorous
But in the hood
It's WFM
You're just jealous
you ain't one of them

I have to sneer
and I have to scoff
When you say you've busted
Her Sveshnikov
Your refutation
Is unsound
She'll prove it to you
In the next round

You'll say you're sorry
She'll say who cares
Your bishop's on
The wrong colored squares
Appreciate
Your last day alive
You can't take advantage of
The hole on d5

Piece activity
Is where it's at
No point in
Denying that
Bring it on
She's drawing a line
When she plays 1...c5
You'll want to resign


But pretty soon some deeply bitter human being posts a response:

Anonymous said...
Rap sucks. And the fact that your probably a white nerd makes it even more disgusting. You make me want to vomit.
September 27, 2007 5:45 AM.

And then the counter-response:

Anonymous said...
"Rap sucks. And the fact that your [sic] probably a
white nerd makes it even more disgusting.
You make me want to vomit."

(1) I'm not white, I'm (as they say) Asian/Pacific Islander.
(2) It isn't rap, Bunky. It's opera. Here it is in the original Italian:

Il nome di questo blog è Lizzy Conosce Tutti
Se dimenticate questo
Siete un Neanderthal
Non scriva alcune parole
Senza vostra firma
Quello dimostrerebbe soltanto
che non conoscete il gioco.

Se non rispettate i suoi scacchi
Allora devo dire
Qualcuno può nascondersi
Dietro un calcolatore
O aggiunga uno spazio
Al suo nome
Per nascondere
La sua famaetc.

(3) Feeling a little queasy?
September 27, 2007 3:45 PM

What I love about the rebuttal is that it's so bizarrely unforeseeable, I feel like there is no possible response to it.

On an unrelated note, let's talk about the news.
My homepage is MSN.com. This is not because I like the site-- MSNBC is much better, and something like slate or nerve would be a lot more fun. But it came set that way and I've been too lazy to change it.

So today I see these three headlines:

Today's Picks
Bartender on trial for serving patron floor cleaner
24 fresh living rooms
Avoid raising a serial killer

Which brings me to my question: what's going on with the news these days? Who invented these stories and why are they in this order? I get the creepy sense that they are all meant to seem related, sort of like serving someone floor cleaner logically connects to fresh living rooms, and wouldn't people who want to read about fresh living rooms also appreciate advice on child-rearing? Presumably they are by now concerned that that their kids are at risk of becoming the kind of manical killer who serves customers floor cleaner?

The whole thing reminds me of a Simpsons' episode where Marge says "You know, Fox turned into a hard-core sex channel so gradually, I didn't even notice."

5 comments:

Wahrheit said...

Which brings me to my question: this is news? Who invented these stories and why are they in this order? I get the creepy sense that they are meant to seem related, sort of like serving someone floor cleaner logically connects to fresh living rooms, and wouldn't people who want to read about fresh living rooms also appreciate advice on child-rearing?

Fnord!

Note that there's one news of the weird, one "Lifestyle: women" and one "Lifestyle: men"--Microsoft is a in partnership with the last two mags...

But enough of this--get off the dime and make your home page lizzyknowsall.blogspot.com/ so that you can check the comments with fewer clicks. :)

Anonymous said...

I want to see Liz in a skirt ;-)

Anonymous said...

as opposed to what?
not in a skirt?

Anonymous said...

I want to see Liz in a clown outfit.

Globular said...

In this vein, I highly recommend the movie "Idiocracy" for a hilarious, but shockingly plausible, look at things to come.

-Matt