- Nice haircut, Arnie.
- Nice Batman impression, Bale.
- Nice range, Worthington.
- Nice $200 haircut, cute little sidekick.
- WTF is a cute little sidekick doing in a non-comedy movie?
- Nice homo vampire bait, Kyle Reese.
- Nice ridiculous breaking-down-the-4th-wall homage to Guns & Roses.
- Nice waste of the internal retina read-out for cyborgs- ok, you see someone’s face, you identify them, over and over again, great. (The bit with the motorcycle was cool though.)
- Nice patchwork storytelling. I really appreciated your wasting my time with the bit where Wright breaks out of captivity. Really, really useful. Same for many other scenes.
- Nice hit-me-over-the-head character development. Ok, Marcus is a stand-up guy, we fucking GET IT. Now stop wasting my fucking time and get on with the movie.
- Nice casting: Michael Ironside, WTF? Anton Yelchin, WTF? Cute little sidekick, WTF? Bodacious, scar-free, horny warrior babe, WTF? Luminescent redheaded pregnant wife? You’re just trying to head off National Lampoon at the pass, is that it?
- Michael Ironside *was*, I have to admit, the low-ranking, do-the-dirty-work villain in “Total Recall”, starring… Arnold Schwarzenegger. So that was pretty clever.
- So Connor’s wife is pregnant, eh? Care to make one single fucking comment about that? Ok, we get it, humanity carries on, the stakes are high, blah blah fucking blah. Fucking high-schoolers write this flick?
- Um… prison wardens wear nasty dirty leather, and have food in their teeth, when they’re HUMAN, fuckwits, not when they’re robots. When they’re robots, they are clean, clinical, and unemotional. There’s a genre of books and movies called sci-fi, you should check it out.
- Jarring ripoff: Motorcycle flying overhead: The Matrix, you pathetic hacks.
- Jarring homage: closeup of terminator foot walking up factory stairs. What *ever*.
- Jarring homage: Arnie. But at least you preserved the bad haircut, that really kept me focused on the movie.
- Jarring homage: Guns & Roses. Really?
- Jarring hark back: Linda Hamilton on audio. More than once. Bizarre.
- Jarring ripoff: the people-carrier, from Cruise’s War of the Worlds.
- Jarring repetitiveness: when cyborgs die, their little red light goes out. Show it ONCE OR TWICE ONLY.
- Jarring homage: when Marcus is punched, he does that thing with his face.
- Jarring repetition: When Arnie is punched, he does that thing with his face. Cut & paste much?
- Suggestion: Where art thou, “Bad to the Bone” ? Love that song, it would have *so* made the movie. Maybe it’s in the director’s cut?
- Jarring writing, #1 of 100: Your *first* scene is a *loser* !!! What the hell are you doing with this weird, mismash explanatory scene, and what the hell is Helena B Carter doing in this movie? And what asshat made her wear a cancer-cap? Heavy, heavy-handed. Groan.
- Jarring writing, #5 of 100: Could Marcus Wright do any more primal screaming? Please? It’s so impressive. Spare me the slick robot action, that’s not why I’m here.
- Unbelievably jarring, miscued homage: John Connor says “I’ll be back.” The stench of empty Hollywood suits began to fill the theater. However, this did give me the unexpected gift of true, deep sympathy for Christian Bale.
- Alternative suggestion: Connor says, “I’m Batman.”
- Stupid misuse of potential action budget: Helena Bonham Carter. Surprise, surprise, she appears at the end of the movie also, bookending it. Couldn’t have seen *that* coming. Assholes. (Helena: you’re great, buy yourself something nice with the cash from this piece of shit.)
- Repetition: the final fight scene takes place in a smoky factory. Have never seen that before.. neato!
- Jarring dialog: “His heart is human… and very powerful.” Paging George Lucas, please report to the Dialog Department.
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