Saturday, September 12, 2009

funny internet stuff

exerpts from Lynne Cheney's lesbian novel, courtesy of the funny (not a porn site, as I had somehow been led to believe)

and you know I love uncyclopedia:

this piece on kitten huffing is especially good.

The worst part of novice huffing is finding pure kitten. We all know the story, some guy in a club offers you a little bag of kittens, they all have smiley faces on them and he promises you a good time. You get home and check out your "kittens" only to find you have been given a selection of sundry other animals stuck together and painted to resemble kittens! Cunning dealers often use ocelots or other low grade feline products, do not accept alternatives!

A quick and easy method for testing for real kittens is to drop them in water, fake kittens will remain visible while real kittens become hard to see as their refractive index is similar to that of water.This is the same test that can be used on diamonds and has led to the theory that high quality kittens may be formed in a similar way, taking thousands of years of heat and pressure under the surface of the Earth. Isn't nature marvellous!
ps anyone have a good line against the Colle?


Anonymous said...

The line from the _Chess Openings For Black, Explained_ book seems to lead to pretty good positions for black. Essentially its ...b6, ...Bb7, ...c5 and ...d5 with the standard Nf6 to Ne4, Be7, O-O setup.

Anonymous said...

I like the line from How to Beat 1. d4 by Jim Rizzitano: In short, ... d5, ... Nf6, ... c5, ...e6, ... Nc6, ... Bd6, ... O-O, ... e5 (maybe ... Qc7 first).

I love that book. I've had middling results with the QGA (the main recommendation of the book), but the lines he recommends against the other d4 systems are great.

Rick Massimo

Gurdonark said...

Because I like Slav positions, I don't mind these lines:

1. d4 d5 2. Nf3 Nf6 3. e3 c6

and if 4. Bd3 then Bg4, and if 4. c4 then we'll play a Slav kind of thing.

4. Ne5 aiming for something Stonewallish arguably takes advantage of c6 when c5 is preferable, but anything from a double stonewall with Ne4 to
a basic kingside fianchetto seems okay to me.

if the goal of a Colle player is to get that e4 push easily and not play c4 without a material weakness, then this system is good to take the game out of that.

Leon Akpalu said...

But Elizabeth,
What happened to your goal of being the easiest person in the USCL to prepare for?

If you're interested in historical authenticity, at the Carlsbad 1929 tournament, both Nimzovich and Capablanca met the Colle (sometimes against Mr. Colle himself) with 1.d4 Nf6 2.Nf3 b6 3.e3 Bb7 4.Bd3 e6 5.0-0 c5 6. Nbd2 Nc6
7.c3 Be7 and they pretty much kicked it's ass, one of the points being 8.e4?! cxd4! 9.cxd4?! Nb4 10.Bb1 Ba6 11.Re1 Nd3 winning the two bishops.

Elizabeth Vicary said...

thanks everybody!
somehow I doubt Yaacov will be preparing for me.. :)

ejh said...

A line

Ilya said...

Yaacov should play you blindfolded, drunk and spot you a piece...then it will be somewhat interesting. Otherwise it will be as they say ce la vie....

Elizabeth Vicary said...

If you spend your time thinking about getting Yaakov drunk, blindfolding him, and then playing games with him, I think you should keep it to yourself! Thanks!

Ilya said...

I just want you have some chances, it isn't every day you see a 3300 player go against a 1600. If I were you I wouldnt prepare at all just pray to all gods that you know and read David vs Goliath for encouragement.

Matan said...

With all due respect to Ilya I think Elizabeth's last comment was hilarious.

Elizabeth Vicary said...

thanks Matan!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, sorry Ilya, that was pretty funny.

Something about "spotting" his "piece" could have been in there too.


Anonymous said...

No, "spotting" his "piece" is not funny.

Anonymous said...

How much respect is sir Ilya due/
If the guy par-lays in French?


Unknown said...

I believe it was that was/is a porn site. (Too much a prude to check, naturally.) My friends at (most former or present Park Slopians and some of the funniest people you'll ever meet) have most enjoyed all the email they get from idiots who visit their parody site and STILL think it's the real White House site. The outrage!

FYI, nobody has ever improved on good old Znosko-Borovsky's reaction to the Colle of loading up on the c-file. If all my books weren't in boxes I'd find the one of his with the examples...

Saludos, Mig